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03:39pm 16/08/2005
mood: calm
whoah baby

yesterday sucked

I had to work all day as usher supervisor, but we were short several people so it was basically scott and I cleaning theatres by ourselves. But then my manager told me I had to get my "ushers" to move a shipment from the loading dock to the usher closets. So I had to clean theatres by myself for a while... can I tell you how much that sucks?

on top of that, mr clark told me that our senior manager wanted some deep cleaning jobs done before he gets back on wednesday... so whenever we had a minute to breathe, we were scrubbing doors and the medal doorstops underneath them... my nails got so dirty, it was disgusting. You wouldn't believe all the crap that gets stuck under there.

elvin, I was going to call you yesterday on my break and sing happy birthday but my phone ran out of battery. I love you elvin, happy birthday. I know you've been going through a lot lately... I wish the best for you in the next year of your life.

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12:51pm 21/07/2005
  oh yeah... one more thing

my dad finds out today if he got the job in the czech republic

pray for us.... we're all going to be very bummed if he didn't get it.

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12:51pm 21/07/2005
mood: chipper
how's everybody doing?

I've been working pretty much every day. The money's nice, but I have no life.

I'm sorry if I've been out of touch or haven't returned phone calls. Navid, I'm so sorry I didn't call you back. I suck at the whole phone thing now. We need to get together sometime this week. Is any day better than the rest for you?

I think I just need to see people that don't have bowties on. I only talk with people from work anymore and it's scaring me.

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10:15am 15/07/2005
  so I have my first crowd control shift at work today... I feel so bad... I have to be on the lookout for people like me and joe... I'm going to hell

first I must go shopping and deposit my checks at the bank

joe countdown : 10 hrs 43 min

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01:28am 14/07/2005
mood: amused
oh, I forgot!

elvin is being made into a break dancer...

..at least that's our cover story the next time he's on the floor from an epolepsy attack


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random collection of thoughts   
01:00am 14/07/2005
mood: contemplative
what am I going to do without him when he moves back? I've never connected with someone this quick before.... I've never met anyone like him before.

On my application for chandler regional hospital, they had a spot that said "nickname" I almost put "j-dawg"... but then I put "HH james" *giggles*.. jk

so joe and I are doing our thing on fri-sat... (aka thur-fri). I can't wait

I passed my test at work... so I should be getting that 15 cent raise soon.

With any luck, we won't be in arizona much longer. Pray for my dad on friday.

I got an invitation to apply for the honor college at cgcc.... that's cool.

Should I try out for the musical? Or jazz choir? Should I do anything musical at all?

I haven't touched my cello in 33 days.

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I'm 18!!!!!!   
10:13am 11/07/2005
  *sings* happy birthday to me

well... two days late... but whatever

the birthday started off wonderful with a phone call from joe... totally made my night/day whatever. I've decided that we must put our hair in curlers on the 13th... don't question me, it's a good idea. gosh, I miss you

then the family (what's left of us) went out to lunch

then I just chilled around the house being bored until I went to the sleepover thing that jill invited me to. her birthday was the next day so we decided to hangout and celebrate together with a bunch of us girls... and elvin

thanks for finally showing up elvin. It was nice to talk... we hadn't had a chance to talk like that in a while.

we must go to this music man thing!

I just realized how I completely lost every connection I had in high school. Everyone I still hang out with are just the people I went to cgcc with last year. Everyone formed their click and it was just awkard the whole last year. It makes me sad. I loved so many of those people.

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12:46am 01/07/2005
  you know what makes me sad?

When jeremiah and I broke up and he got another girlfriend the next day, I always tried to comfort myself with the thought that he's just the type of guy that doesn't like to be single. I always told myself that he just needs to be in a relationship at all times. Even if that's the only reason he went out with me, thinking that somehow still helped.

So when he and heather broke up, I was just waiting for him to find his next little girlfriend.

It's been about a month now, and she's still not here yet.

What is this supposed to mean? I thought that our relationship meant something... obviously not much to him... but still. Enough.

but I guess whatever we had was nothing compared to him and heather.... if he can't even bring himself to find someone new

...I guess that just makes me sad.

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10:00pm 30/06/2005
  yeah... so all boys are scum bags

I thought there were a few exceptions... but no, there are none

I'm just going to have to live with the fact that there are no good guys out there

the perfect guy doesn't exist

joe, I need you... I can't wait for charlie... we're gonna have so much fun

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01:07am 27/06/2005
mood: confused
Ever find it hard to decide what it is you are... and what it is you're trying to be?

Ever get the two confused?

this is my struggle right now

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a whole entry about harkins... just for patrick   
01:53am 25/06/2005
  I saw herbie and high tension yesterday with a guy from work... it was fun. High tension was actually a good movie. minus the whole half dubbed half subtitles thing... the plot twists were good enough to keep you interested.

and by plot twists, I mean *edit* ;)


today I got some more blood labs done. They took like ten tubes of blood... that's a freakin lot. I almost passed out.

I was pretty much dizzy all day because of it

then I closed concession... I figure that anything can be fun if you're in the right mindset.

I also figure that it's hard to stay in the right mindset when these two beotchy little girls that think they're the next j-lo come up with a bag full of nickels, dimes and pennies SWEARING that they think they have enough to buy two kids combos...

so you count out the 7.50 that you need and give them back the rest

... then they come back a few minutes later and complain to your manager that you didn't give them the right change back


I coulda killed them

So ashley quit today... she just walked out... she was my first friend at harkins. I'm so sad.

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phantom review... *orgasmic*   
01:56pm 22/06/2005
mood: artistic
Elvin took me to phantom of the opera last night.


it was glorious... I am in love with the phantom. His voice was so beautiful. His sustained high notes made me cry. I could have lived in his voice forever.

"...Close your eyes,
let your spirit
start to soar!"

A couple of the performers had such mad vibratto that it almost altered the pitch. Actually, it did. Especially with the actress that played christine. She ruined my favorite song in the musical. I wanted to kill her. she swallowed a lot of her higher notes in the back of her throat. I was trying to give her the benefit of the doubt... thinking that maybe she was just waiting for that final high E to totally let it go and blow us out of our seats... boy, was I dissapointed. I was not blown away at all.

I tell you who did blow though... the french horn player. The first mistake he made, we all started laughing. (Elvin and I were accompanied by patrick, jill and jessica-- all music people) Leave it to a horn player to blow. It wasn't a little mistake either... it was a huge big fat one. man, I would hate to be him.

The singers rushed like mad sometimes. I know that they have a desire to make the part their own and not follow the steriotypical tempos people have become acustomed to in the origional recording and the movie... but still, sometimes the pit orchestra and the singers weren't quite together because of it.

The man who played raul also had a wonderful voice. The duet with christine and raul was so beautiful... of course, until SHE started singing. gosh, I hated her voice.

Elvin and I are going to sing that duet. Elvin said that seeing that musical reminded of him why he is doing music. I thought it reminded me of why I can't... I just love it too much.

"...All I want
is freedom,
a world with
no more night . . .
and you
always beside me
to hold me
and to hide me"

I need to find my original cast recording of phantom... I don't remember if I liked that christine or not... I was too young to know the diff.

quote from elvin of the night....
~"don't make me go cock on your ass"

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10:45pm 18/06/2005
  today was long

the garage sale was ok, I found these ice cube molds shaped like women... lmao... they're awesome. Pastor craig is the shiz.... and joe, we shall never make a rule for married men. I can like them always, whether or not I can physically stab them.

I called him to apologize for all the drama. He said it's ok and that he was serious when he said he liked me. *squee* but then he didn't say anything else after that... so I'm confused. We're just going to like each other and call it a day?

I'm confused.
he thinks I'm stalking him now... I don't blame him.

Beth and I went to see mr and mrs smith... that movie rocked! moses, it was so awesome. Then she took me out for my last meal before my "cleansing". *barf* these next few weeks are gonna suck.

then we went to wallyworld and berean bookstore. I got a nelly cd!! man... he's so beautiful.

thanks beth for all your help today... my leg hurts from the beatings though

well, off to take my pills and call it a night

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11:49pm 17/06/2005
  I can't stand the way my body is reacting to my new meds. I feel like crap all the time. I thought this was supposed to help. I hope I have more energy tomorrow, right now I can't even imagine working at the yard sale all day.

whatever, I go in for more tests on monday... did I mention I hate this?

I think I totally screwed things up with the guy at work. Right now though it's kinda not number one on my list of things to worry about.

something ironic came to my attention yesterday. You know how I always am wishing I could become black?

Well, this disease I have has three stages. I'm only in the second stage right now but supposedly once you reach the third stage, your skin starts to darken. I thought that was so funny... It was the one time while my mom and I were talking about it that I stopped crying and laughed. I jokingly said that God does have funny ways of answering prayers.

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08:27am 16/06/2005
  I got home from work last night to find a note on my bathroom counter from my mom. It said that my test results had come in and that I should wake her up to talk about it.

I was up till six just thinking about it... I finally passed out and now I have to leave for work again in a few minutes.

I decided I'm glad I'm working a lot now... I would go insain if all I did was sit at home all day and think about this.

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